The Donor 8


By Katzmarek.


Jonathon found himself standing next to a garrulous, slightly greying man in his fifties.
I hear youre the chap who put a smile on the old bat, he said, indicating Joanne.


Yes, I guess thats me, Jonathon answered.


And put one up her, so they tell me? he said.


Yes, we found out two weeks ago.


Good job, the man said clapping an arm around Jonathon, serves the old bag right. Mind you, now shell 
come to work grumpier than ever, eh?


Probably, Jonathon replied trying to ease away.


Here, shes coming over. Time for a refill I think, he said advancing on a waiter.


Joanne approached Jonathon, her eyes still scanning the crowd.


What did he have to say? she asked in a low voice.


Just congratulating me, and us, I think.


God, its got around, I might have known.


Who is he?


Youre kidding me, right? No, I can see youre not. Hes only your Prime Minister, leader of the country.


Oh, he looks different from on TV.


Shorter! They stand him on a box, I think.


How are you coping? Jonathon asked her.


Im a bit gassy. Im snacking often and not having big meals, like the doctor advised. And no booze, of 
course.


I could do with a cigarette. Anywhere you can have a quick puff?


Follow that man, hes the Minister of Finance, smokes like a chimney. Hell be ducking off soon. See 
his eyes flicking around? Hes hanging out already.


Got it.


Get him to offer you one, theyre duty-free anyhow.


I will.


There he goes quick follow him.


Jonathon followed the Minister out a side door. It led to a stairwell that reeked of stale smoke.


Can I trouble you for one? he asked the man.


What? Oh yes, help yourself, he said proffering the packet. Youre Joannes man, arent you? he said 
as they lit up.


Yes sir, Jonathon answered.


Congratulations to the two of you. I suppose she gets you to smoke outside?


Yes, or the garage when its raining.


I suppose she put you up to ask me for a cigarette?


Yes, she did.


Bitch! Shes always on at me. You know, we all complain about her her style and manner but we all 
love her you know. Couldnt be happier for her. Thought youd shut her up a little forlorn hope I guess.


I couldnt imagine anything shutting her up, Jonathon said, chuckling.


How was the Minister? Joanne asked when Jonathon returned.


Nice guy, good sense of humour.


He needs it, the job hes got. Cmon babe, Ill have to go, Im exhausted.


Ok, do you need to kiss anyones butt first?


I couldnt think of anything Id like less, at the moment. Even your buns! Lets just go!


They waited outside a few minutes for the Government car to pull up. Being an official engagement, 
Joanne was entitled to an official car, and driver. Jonathon was slightly embarrassed by all the fuss,
Youll get used to it, shed told him, just dont spit in the ash trays, ok?


The car pulled up and the driver leapt out and opened the door for them.


Miss van Wettering, Mr. Wetherall, he intoned, as they got in. 


Step on it Freddie, and easy on the corners. Unless you want me to throw up over you.


Sure thing, Joanne, the driver replied, I hear congratulations are in order?


Not you too!


Haha, yes, the PMs driver told me the news. Ive got 6 you know, 2 girls and 4 boys.


Well, do your wife a favour and buy a Television, ok?


Haha, dont worry, Joanne, morning sickness only lasts a couple of weeks, three maybe.


The next person to tell me that, I swear Ill and wipe that grin of your face Jonathon. Next time 
youre having it, got that?


Cmon, deep breaths, wait until the feeling passes.


Jonathon! Shut up!


You can stay up, Yknow, Joanne told Jonathon as they prepared for bed. 
Just make sure you get in the other side. Leave me a clear route to the bathroom, ok?


I might get up for the Cricket later. I just want to make sure youre ok, he told her.


Youre such a honey, are you sure you werent a woman in a past life?


Why?


Such consideration! I dont expect that from guys.


Well. I just figure its part of the bargain.


Which one?


The love one.


Youre too mushy to be true. Hold me, ok? But be prepared to let me go in a hurry.


Ok.


Jonathon? she said as they settled down, you dont mind us not having sex for a while?


Of course not, well make up for it later, wont we?


Its just I dont feel particularly sexy, Yknow? At the moment, anyway. I havent gone off you or 
anything.


I know, babe. Its not the only reason Im here. Yknow?


No? So you like washing my underwear?


Of course! I get to have a little sniff.


Ugh, youre disgusting, youll make me throw up.


Hey! You can have a whiff of mine, anytime. Dont knock it till youve tried it.


Jonathon! Shut the fuck up!


Some would-be mothers are nauseous from the moment of conception to the birth. Others claim they have 
never felt better in their lives the entire 9 months. Most slot in somewhere along the two extremes.


By the end of the first trimester Joanne was not only overcome with a feeling of wellbeing, her hormones 
had re-arranged themselves in such a way that it was Jonathon who found himself worn out and exhausted.


Aw, its all shrunken and miserable looking, she told him one morning.


Sorry, replied Jonathon,  it just doesnt know what hit it. Its in trauma.


Poor thing, she continued, pushing his penis around with her finger, cant handle the pace, cant we? 
Like your owner, you go into a sulk.


I do not!


Oh you do, Jonathon! Even your blasted cat runs away and hides. Yknow in 6 months youve got a few 
changes coming.


I dont need reminding, Ill manage.


Youre not too old for the job?


Others have become fathers in their fifties and sixties.


Lets see, Joanne pondered, when junior starts dating youll be, what, late fifties?


Probably.


Will you be able to beat off the pack?


Cmon Joanne. Theyd hardly be measuring me up for a Zimmer frame at that age. How old is 
Gascoigne?


61, I think.


See? And hes running the country.


He thinks he does.


So, he still has to stand up in front of the cameras and smile, doesnt he? Give the odd speech without 
falling asleep


Everybody else does.


And cut a ribbon or two open a school stand up in front of Parliament and give a State of the 
Nation address without losing his place... and, and make weighty decisions about the sales tax on 
cattle feed or something. 


Theres no sales tax anymore. Really, your ignorance of the countrys affairs is


Ok, ok.


So you reckon youll still have what it takes?


Absolutely.


And so will this shriveled thing? she asked prodding his cock, still lying defeated on his stomach.


Just drop your knickers, honey, and show it the way, he said in his mock-macho voice.


Ooo, promises, promises. Lacking a bit of steel at the moment though, isnt it?


Its been doing a bit of overtime lately, early mornings, late nights. With no penal rates I might add.


Penile rates, you mean? So what do you want? Time and a half with a day off in lieu?


Yes, plus clothing allowance, dirt allowance and an on-call rate, of course.


On-call? Try calling you up in the morning  Ive tried everything, save hitting you with a brick.


I was there for you this morning. Wasnt I?


Sure! Id only been sitting on your dick for half an hour. It was only when I twisted your nipples did I get 
any action out of you.


I was awake! And it was only 5 minutes, dont exaggerate. I saw you climb on.


You didnt open your eyes! You used to be so raring to go. It was me that used to put you off. Now I have 
to beg you for sex, or rape you, what happened?


You happened! Twice a day for the last two weeks. Before you go to work, when you come home and you 
still want to fuck when we go to bed.


Never heard a guy complaining of too much sex before?


Im not complaining, well not much. But could we just hold hands and watch television one night?


Good idea! We can move the TV into the bedroom.


Then it wouldnt be my hand youd be holding.


Well, its hardly a handful at the moment! Hey, Ive just had a thought. Your dicks given up but your 
tongue hasnt.


But youre all smelly.


No Im not. While you were dozing I had a shower.


Oh


Oh, Joanne replied sliding up Jonathons chest, There it is. Tongue out now you know what to do 
with it. Cut to the chase, Jonno I dont need foreplay.


So Ive noticed! Just dont sit down on my face, ok? You put a crick in my neck last time, remember?


Baby! Im not that heavy get yourself in condition Cmon dont tease me ah bastard! Stop 
it ah lick me dont keep stopping oh thats better ah yes


Mmm Mmm, Jonathon hummed against her clitoris.


Eek, it tickles oh Jonno, dont stop


My tongues getting tired.


Use you lips then hum some more just there ooosh oh uh like that. You got it keep 
oh oh going yes suck it harder harder still yes oh oh keep uh going 
ooOOH OOO UUUHHH BBABY OOOOOHHHH AAAARRRGGG Oh Jesus Jesus 
uh fuck


Joanne ground herself against Jonathons face, riding herself to a climax. She grabbed the bedhead for 
support, but even so, much of her weight ended up on top of Jonathon.


Gerroff, cant breev, he complained.


Youre such a  romantic Jonathon, Joanne panted, moving off his face to settle on his chest.


Is my nose still there? he asked, I think you flattened it.


No damage just a bit bent itll straighten, she grinned.


Sputt Ive got a mouthful of hair.


Joanne lay along Jonathons body and began to search his mouth with her finger. She began to pluck a few 
errant strands of pubic hair from his lips.


That ones from your head, Jonathon, youre shedding, she told him.


Lets see?


Look, its blond and long and straight, not dark and crinkly. Youll have to cut your hair short or you 
wont have any left in a few years.


I guess! I just dont want to feel my age, yet. My hairs all Ive got left of my twenties, he told her.


I know, babe. But look at it this way. You maybe cant control the outside, although we all try. But you 
can control whats in here. Joanne tapped his chest, somewhere over his heart.


Unusually Oprah-ish of you my dear. Are you going soft in your old age? Jonathon told her, grinning.


I catch it off you! And I guess a baby kind of changes you a little. Well! A lot actually Yknow, Ive 
never felt closer to anyone in my life than I do with you, now. I never thought Id be saying this to anyone, 
let alone a scrawny, idle, half-brain of a man.


Hey!


Just kidding you. Dont get your boxers in a twist ok youre not wearing any Hmm Dont get your 
dick in knot, ok?


Ok, its lying straight.


Good. Honey, I think you are the sweetest man the most loving person I have ever met, ok? I 
despaired of finding anyone like you. 
Anyone who would put up with me 
Shut up a minute! 
I need to know youre not going to bug out on me at the first sign of adversity. 
To be honest, Jonathon, I dont know what I would do without you.
Dont say anything yet! 
Sometimes I lie awake at night just watching you breathe in your sleep, did you know that? 
No, of course not, youre dead to the world, a Mack truck couldnt shift you. 
Youve shown me heaven, Jonathon 
Stop grinning you smug bastard! Be serious for a minute will you?
I would just like to say that I love you and adore you and if I give you a hard time, wellits not that I 
dont care for you, ok? 
Maybe its because I do.
Now you can speak 
Just dont say anything stupid, ok?


Well youve shown me that I can believe in myself ok? Um that I feel stronger now than Ive 
ever felt in my life That I dont have to screw up everything I can attract the love of a beautiful 
woman and love her in return. And if I hate you for 90% of the time that other 10% is not only worth 
it but part of me I cant do without.


Jonathon looked up at Joanne to see she was crying. Not only that, he became aware of a tear running down 
the side of his own face.


Jonathon! That was beautiful, she said, I didnt know you had it in you. She put her head against his 
chest. Jonathon put his arm around her and they lay like that for what seemed like ages.


Im late for work, she said, eventually.


Take the day off. Ill ring and tell them youre sick.


Ok! Fuck them! The numbers in my diary, but not yet. Just hold me for a while, ok?


Ok.



























